Parenting is one of the most meaningful roles we take on — but it’s also one of the most challenging. Between daily routines, work, and the emotional ups and downs of family life, it’s easy to feel stretched thin.
One of the best ways we can help children manage their emotions is by showing them how we handle ours.
Learning Through Observation
Children are natural observers. They learn not only from what adults say but also from what adults do.
When they see a parent pause to take a breath during a tough moment or use kind self-talk after a mistake, they’re quietly learning how to regulate their own emotions. These everyday examples teach children that it’s okay to have strong feelings — and that those feelings can be managed with patience and care.
Our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected. When adults take a moment to slow down and respond with intention, they show children how thoughts can guide behavior instead of emotions taking over.
Over time, this gives children a roadmap for managing their own feelings and builds what’s called co-regulation — when kids borrow calm from the adults around them until they can regulate independently.
Modeling Calm (Even When It’s Hard)
Modeling calm is easier said than done most days. Every parent feels frustration, exhaustion, and moments they wish they’d handled differently.
The goal isn’t perfection — it’s intentionality.
Small, mindful shifts in how we respond can have a lasting impact. When you notice your child struggling, focusing on showing calm through your actions can turn frustration into an opportunity for teamwork and connection.
The Power of Pause
When emotions start to rise — whether your child is melting down or you feel yourself reaching a breaking point — try practicing The Pause.
This simple three-step process can help both you and your child regain footing.
- Pause.
Before reacting, take a few deep breaths. Step away for a moment if needed. The pause interrupts the automatic stress response and gives your brain space to think clearly. - Label.
Identify what’s happening. You might say, “I’m feeling really frustrated right now,” or, “You’re upset because things didn’t go the way you hoped.”
Naming emotions helps both you and your child feel understood and grounded. - Choose.
Once you’re calm, decide your next step intentionally. That might mean setting a limit, offering comfort, or inviting problem-solving:
“Let’s figure out how we can handle this differently next time.”
This process supports your own emotional regulation while giving your child a real-time example of how to manage difficult feelings and situations.
Reflective Questions for Parents
If you’re unsure where to focus your energy, these questions can help guide you:
- How do I typically respond when I’m frustrated, and what might my child learn from that?
- What helps me slow down before reacting in the moment?
- How can I talk through problem-solving so my child sees the process?
- How do I handle my own mistakes, and do I show my child what repair looks like?
- When was the last time I noticed or celebrated a moment of calm for myself or my child?
A Lasting Impact
Teaching children through action is subtle but powerful. Over time, children who see consistent, thoughtful coping strategies develop stronger emotional regulation, problem-solving skills, and resilience.
As parents and caregivers, we don’t have to be perfect — we just need to be present and intentional.
Every pause, every deep breath, every gentle repair sends the same quiet message:
Emotions are manageable.
Relationships can be repaired.
Growth is always possible.
If you feel like you or somebody you care about is in need of additional support, CFSC is here for you. Please call us at 248-851-5437 to get started with supportive services.