Back to school time is upon us and with that can come a range of feelings for parents and children. While some students might be excited to go back to school, it can also be a really stressful and anxious time, especially for those just starting out, moving to a new school, or who’ve struggled with issues in school before. Children may begin to worry about the things that could go wrong, being separated from their parents, or stress over issues they faced in past school years. If children continue to stress about their worries, physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, and chest tightness may show up at bedtime, before school, and during the school day. This discomfort can sometimes lead to children being unable to fall asleep, unable to focus in the classroom, and even school avoidance if not managed.
So what can parents do to help their children have a positive mindset about returning to school and support them in reducing feelings of anxiety? Parents play a crucial role in helping their children return to school with a positive attitude. Children need their parents to model being excited for them and being okay with uncertainty. Instead of expressing sadness about missing them, try positive phrases like, “I can’t wait to hear about all the fun things you did!” This fosters a sense of hope and anticipation for school.
It is no surprise that starting a new school year is full of unknowns for both parents and students. Children don’t always know who will be in their class or who they’ll sit with at lunch and the thought of these things can make some children worry before they have even stepped foot into the building. Parents can help your child feel prepared by discussing potential problems and how they might handle them. Acknowledge uncertainty by saying, “I’m not sure” or “There’s a chance that might happen.” Ask questions like: “Who do you want in your class? How will you feel if this situation occurs? How might you handle it? How can you still enjoy lunch even if you don’t sit with your friend?”
While parents naturally desire to alleviate their child’s discomfort and help solve their problems, it’s important to remember that it is not your job to prevent every problem before it occurs–that would be impossible and unhelpful for their independence. Learning to navigate different problems on their own and tolerating uncertainty is key to their cognitive development and overcoming anxiety. Your role as parents during this time is to validate their feelings about the worries and help them game plan to manage things that may come up. For example, if your child is worried about being sat next to a student that bullied them last year, you can help your child practice how they could talk to the teacher about this. This will not only build their confidence and problem solving skills, but will help them become an advocate for themselves when future problems arise. Parents can also validate the stressors and worries that children bring up by encouraging them that they are capable of navigating all different kinds of situations. Use examples from their life to remind them of moments they have been brave and flexible so they can remember that they are capable of doing things that feel difficult or scary.
Families can also attend back to school events before the start date for opportunities to meet the teacher, other classmates, and tour the building. Families can practice the school routine together before the first day to reduce stress and anxiety. Practice walking to the bus stop or driving to the school drop off area. If you have a student nervous about being able to open up their locker, buy a combination padlock to teach them the technique and let them practice before school starts. Recognize that schools also account for a lot of issues that may arise when children are just starting out and staff will take time in the first week or two to help everyone adjust and feel comfortable. School staff will be in the hallways during passing time to guide students to the correct classroom and help with locker issues, support staff will be present at the drop-off line in the morning to walk with students who are having a hard time being away from parents, and teachers will be helping students get used to the classroom routines.
If your child is having a hard time being away from you or is starting school for the first time, it can help to give them a reminder of you (this is helpful for parents who are feeling all of the emotions of their babies growing up and not being with them as much too!). Some ideas are drawing something like a heart on each of your hands, putting a sticker on each of you that your child chooses, or wearing matching temporary tattoos. Remind them they are always loved and connected, and this will serve as a constant reminder throughout their day. As time goes on, most children are able to adjust to the change and will not feel as nervous once they have gotten into the school routine. If anxiety is persisting and interfering with a child’s ability to be successful at school, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional for additional support.
If you feel like you or somebody you care about is in need of additional support, CFSC is here for you. Please call us at 248-851-5437 to get started with supportive services.