Strengthening the connection with your child can influence aspects of their well-being- emotional intelligence, self-worth, confidence, and behavior. Being intentional about your connection with your child is essential for healthy development. Consider using the 5 love languages to build connection:
- Quality Time: Spending meaningful and attentive time with your loved one
- Words of Affirmation: Speaking supportively and affectionately to your loved one
- Gifts: Giving thoughtful gifts or tokens to your loved one
- Physical Touch: Being close to or embraced by your loved one
- Acts of Service: Doing helpful or supportive actions for your loved one.
Quality time
Schedule specific one on one time with your child. Make them feel important and like you want to be spending time with them. For it to be considered quality time, it is important that they have your undivided attention. Actively listen to them speak, ask specific questions about their interests or what they like to talk about. Make eye contact and get down on their level. Quality time is about simply being with one another. This is not a time to focus on correcting or disciplining. Letting your child direct play together, scheduling one on one dates, going on walks, watching a movie or reading together, or having your child teach you their favorite game are some ideas for quality time.
Words of affirmation
Tell your child that you love them and are proud to be their parent. Build your child’s confidence by complimenting their hard work and strengths. Sometimes it’s easy to get caught up in corrections and discipline, be sure to be intentional about complimenting your child more than you correct them. Try not to pair a compliment with what they could have done better. The goal of using words of affirmations is simply to make your child feel good about themselves.
Gifts
You do not necessarily need to spend money to connect with your child through gift giving. These gifts are tokens of love and thoughtfulness, a way to show your child that you thought of them. Gifts to build connections are not earned or paired with a condition. Leave a note on their nightstand or in their backpack to show that you were thinking of them. Pack a special treat in their lunch box just because. Surprise them with a family movie night or game night. Draw them a picture or pick them a flower.
Physical touch
Connect with your child through appropriate physical touch. A single hug can be powerful, especially to a dysregulated child. While hugs are useful in times of need, hug your child just because you feel like it. Other ways to connect through touch include brushing your child’s hair, snuggling up together to read a book or watch a movie, or holding their hand. Some kids do not love physical touch but still prefer to be in close proximity to their parent. Be sure to sit next to this child often, blow kisses, wave, give high fives, respect their boundaries by connecting physically in other ways.
Acts of service
Similar to gift giving, connecting with your child through acts of service should be unconditional. Acts of service are selfless, thoughtful acts of kindness. If you know your child had a big test at school or a particularly stressful day, surprise them with their favorite meal. Do one of their chores or organize their bedroom. Make them a plate of their favorite snack while they work on homework. Practice their sport or instrument with them. Carry them to bed and tuck them in.
You may come to recognize that your child has a specific love language, which might be different from your own. Be intentional about connecting with your child through their love language and pay attention to how they seek connection from you. This will influence your child’s emotional development and help them to feel understood.
If you feel like you or somebody you care about is in need of additional support, CFSC is here for you. Please call us at 248-851-5437 to get started with supportive services.